Another Saturday night...I can hear people coming and going outside
Places to go, people to see.
I sit on the couch trying to get motivated
Trying to find something that will keep my mind off the loneliness lurking around the corner.
Just a few years ago I longed to have the house to myself
The freedom to do as I pleased, the peace and the quiet.
Now that that time has arrived,
It's not so great.
Oh, the first few hours are nice, but then you begin to realize just how alone you are
Nothing to do, nowhere to go, no one to talk to.
I resist the urge to think about himWhere he must be, who he is with, what he must be doing.
Is he happy and laughing or do his thoughts drift back to me.
Does he fight the urge to drive by and see if I'm home?
He told me I was destroying him, that he had died in our relationship.
He has made it look so easy to walk away
To start a new life, to move on.
How does he do that?
Does he feel any longing inside for what he once had?
Or is the grass still greener on the other side?
I look at her and wonder what she has that has drawn him to her.
At first glance, she is neither pretty nor feminine
She is rough around the edges and walks with a swagger.
She is neither fit nor trim.
I'm told she looks better without makeup and laughs like a tomboy,
That she's nothing like me.
Maybe that's what it is...She's nothing like me.
Nothing to remind him of what he has left behind
What he once had.
Nothing to bring back memories or heartache.
Something entirely new and fresh,
Something different.
Anyone but me.
Anyone who will not make him feel less of a man.
Anyone who will love him as he is and appreciate what he has to offer.
Anyone who will not remind him of his betrayal and abandonment.
Anyone but me.
The one who would have stood by him if only...
©2009 Marie Calder Ricks/www.houseoforder.com. (Photography by David N. Ricks. Used with permission.)
